‘Country Roads, Take Me Nowhere': West Virginia is Not Real

This is satire.

West Virginia is not a real state. It is merely a western extension of real Virginia.

The following words are here to convince the public that West Virginia is a mythical place that exists only in John Denver’s “Country Roads” version of America.

To some, especially firm believers in West Virginia’s concrete existence, these may seem like fighting words. However, there is absolutely no way West Virginia is not just an extended western version of the heart of our country’s immaculate colonial conception.

“West Virginia, mountain mama, take me home, country roads” is a verse many people know all too well, but when Denver wrote these words, he was merely referring to the western part of Virginia. He did not travel to any other state than the state of mind that is western Virginia.

These country roads take us…nowhere. “West Virginia” is not a real state and never was.

There are many things to think about when discussing the myth that is “West Virginia.” For example, what exports come from “West Virginia?” Nothing. A quick Google search might indicate that coal is a primary export of the made-up state but we are renewable energy stans now – coal is out, and so is the idea that West Virginia is a state.

Are there any notable citizens that hail from “West Virginia?” Also no.

Some may immediately counter this claim with two very notable alumni of this mysterious pseudo-state: Nick and Terry Saban. This claim can quickly be debunked with a simple explanation: the SEC football power couple is simply from the western extension of Virginia.

I mean, what even is a West Virginia? It's on the eastern side of the United States! How can a state called "West Virginia" exist over here? It's logically impossible.

Another argument that could be brought up by West Virginia believers is the accredited institution, the University of West Virginia. The establishment of this university could be a source of evidence for the existence of West Virginia. However, another simple explanation debunks this false claim, yet again.

As a proud resident of California, I am keenly aware of the college that bears my home's name: the University of Southern California. But, that’s all it is: a university in the southern sector of California.

A little closer to home, the University of West Alabama sits snugly on the Alabama-Mississippi border. Is it located in the never-before-seen 51st state, West Alabama? No. It's in west Alabama.

Virginia is no different. The University of West Virginia, much like the University of Southern California, is just a university in the western sector of Virginia.

While many may not agree with this indisputable fact, there is one thing everyone can agree on: Alaska is merely an island sitting right next to Hawaii.