Some people may tell you that summer doesn't officially start until after Memorial Day, but people who live in Alabama can tell you that summer starts around mid-April down here. Summer is a time for swimming and barbecues and all sorts of fun outdoor activities--but it is also the WORST.

I am not ashamed to admit it: I hate summer. I hate basically everything about it. Here is a list of all the (many) reasons why summer is the seasonal equivalent of a hot dumpster fire:

  1. It's like 5787587387 million degrees outside
  2. My power bill goes from [SOMEWHAT REASONABLE FIGURE] to [FIRST BORN CHILD]
  3. Bees
  4. Wasps
  5. Hornets
  6. Frizz
  7. Sunburn
  8. Spending more than 20 minutes outside leaves your entire body covered in gross sweat
  9. Chub Rub (all y'all without a thigh gap know what I am talking about here. It is TORTURE.)
  10. Increasing gas prices
  11. Congested interstates
  12. Lines at the airport are basically The Never-Ending Story
  13. Yellow Jackets
  14. Mosquitoes
  15. That one song by LFO that ALWAYS gets stuck in my head
  16. When people burn trash outdoors and you walk outside and smell it
  17. It's basically a sauna outside until late October
  18. The sun doesn't set until dang near 8:30 some nights, so you have to attempt to reason with your kids when they whine about having to go to bed with the sun still out
  19. There are like no good TV shows
  20. Asphalt parking lots turn into scorching lava fields of death
  21. Hornets
  22. Wasps
  23. Hornets
  24. Wasps
  25. Hornets
  26. Wasps
  27. Hornets
  28. Wasps
  29. I live in the sticks, so we don't have an ice cream man--and I REALLY like ice cream
  30. Hearing your kids whine about being SO BORED, MOM while they're home on break
  31. Hearing how SO REALLY BORED your kids are upwards of 75 times a day
  32. Swimsuit Season
  33. Beach Bodies
  34. Wanting to vomit every time I step out into the desolate hellscape that is Alabama in August
  35. No really--it's like Dante's Inferno out there
  36. All the bands you want to see play at festivals that cost a kidney for general admission
  37. Mosquitoes
  38. Mosquitoes
  39. Mosquitoes
  40. Going to someone's barbecue and thinking potato salad is a safe side dish bet, but it's not because OH LORD, THERE IS RAW WHITE ONION IN HERE
  41. Getting into a car with leather seats and having your thighs seared off
  42. Burning your butt on picnic tables and/or slides
  43. Fire Ants
  44. No football
  45. Rolling up to Summer Snow and seeing the line is like 50 people deep and having your heart broken because SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED SUMMER SNOW
  46. Seeing people who wear socks with sandals
  47. When people ask you what your vacation plans are but you don't have any because you're broooooooooke and deep down inside the void of your soul, you know you're a failure
  48. Seeing pictures of other people's awesome expensive vacations all up in your newsfeed
  49. Getting sun spots on your face after you've been outside for .005 seconds
  50. People who say stupid crap like, "Hot enough out there for ya?"
  51. IT IS, BUDDY. IT IS HOT ENOUGH OUT THERE FOR ME. IN FACT, IT IS FAR, FAR MORE HOT THAN I EVER WANT IT TO BE, SO MAYBE GIVE ME SOME CASH SO I CAN MOVE TO LIKE, ICELAND, OR SOMETHING
  52. Going to the Farmer's Market and finding out they're out of watermelon or cantelope
  53. People who give you that "ewwww" face when you put salt on watermelon or cantelope--look, it's not my fault your momma didn't teach you how to live right
  54. That one kid who always shows out at the pool/waterpark
  55. Getting into your car and feeling as if you just walked into an industrial oven from the Sunbeam factory off 15th street
  56. Fire Ants
  57. That one drunk dude at the family barbecue who thinks it's a good idea to use a Roman Candle like a sparkler
  58. Taking that dude to the ER later
  59. Bees
  60. Hornets
  61. Wasps
  62. Yellow Jackets
  63. Mosquitoes
  64. Basically anything that flies
  65. EVERYTHING ABOUT SUMMER IS AWFUL