We're four days away from Halloween, so let's get into THE SPIRIT (hahaha... man, I love bad puns) with some seriously scary songs. Grab your Snuggie, get to your safe place, and turn your speakers up--if you dare.

We're cranking up the creepy in a major way with these genuinely terrifying jams.

10. "Hello"/ Lionel Richie

You're probably thinking, "Hey, why is this Adult Contemporary slow jam on your list, Meg? It's such a sweet song!" To that I say, NO. NO, IT IS NOT. I am a HUGE fan of Lionel Richie, but GET REAL. This song's about a lovesick STALKER. Like, you think the guy probably gets the girl at the end which makes it all okay, but what if he doesn't?

9. "Pumped Up Kicks"/ Foster the People

I first heard this song and thought, "This is a seriously catchy tune. I am way in to this," but then... I read the lyrics. This deceptively upbeat ditty is actually about murder. Mass Murder. It's about a bullied and possibly abused kid exacting his revenge on his peers through a school shooting and offing his deadbeat dad. If that's not terrifying, I don't know what is, and the truly terrifying thing is that we've become all-too familiar with the tragedy of school shootings.

8. "Goodbye Horses"/ Q Lazzarus

"Goodbye Horses" isn't an inherently creepy song. I listen to it on the reg; it's a great jam, but... let's be honest here: it's hard as heck to hear this song and not picture a prancing Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs. If you don't know the dance to which I am referring, a) YOU PLEBE! and b) go rent The Silence of the Lambs like right now because it is one of The Greatest Movies of All Time. I'll warn you though, you'll never be able to hear "Goodbye Horses" the same way again.

7. "Come to Daddy"/ Aphex Twin

NIGHTMARE FUEL. Aphex Twin actually has some chill and ambient tunes in their catalog; they're the antithesis of this song. I'd write more about this one, but just watch the video... I mean, if you can. This is straight-up bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Moldy, rotten, demon bananas. Play this one at your Halloween party and watch everyone bolt for the door.

6. "Somebody's Watching Me"/ Rockwell

This tune gets a lot of spins for Halloween, as it should; it's catchy enough to play at parties without causing your guests to flee in abject terror (see item #7). Beneath its pop veneer lies a tale of the worst kind of fear--inescapable paranoia. Imagine being afraid of everyone, everywhere... of being too scared to leave your own home for fear of what lies outside the door. THAT is terrifying. Also Micheal Jackson sings the chorus, which isn't scary, but hey... Michael Jackson is awesome and I totally should include "Thriller" on this list. (Scroll on down to the bottom for "Thriller!")

5. "Animals"/ Maroon 5

All You Need is Love... and a restraining order. Maroon 5 really dialed up the creep factor for this one. I mean, with lyrics like "Baby I'm preying on you tonight/ Hunt you down/ Eat you alive" you can't help but shudder. Stalking is never sexy, even when Adam Levine does it--and he could be, like eating a ham sandwich and reading the phone book and I'd still be all, "hey, dude, hey." The video takes the song to the next level--people making out in blood and working in butcher shops--you can tell Adam's cameo on 'AHS:Asylum' really stuck with him. Dude was like, "I want to be Bloody Face!"

 

4. "Red Right Hand"/ Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds

True Story: I bought the Scream soundtrack and would always skip this song. I was driving at night many, many years ago (I'm so old, sigh); I had taken a winding back road to get home. For whatever reason, I didn't skip this song and I scared the beejeezus out of myself. I mean, this song is creepy enough in broad daylight, but ALONE on a deserted and isolated country back road on a stormy night? Uh... no.

3. "Every Breath You Take"/ The Police

Can we all agree that stalking is NOT SEXY? People get all lovey-dovey about this particular Police song; it's used in countless weddings and kids even dance to it at prom, as they oh-so wrongly believe it's about eternal love. I mean, it is about eternal love--but a PSYCHO STALKER'S eternal love. Dude sings, "Every breath you take/ Every move you make/ I'll be watching you." GOOD GOD. That is terrifying. This song is the reason they invented pepper spray. Thanks, Sting.

2. "Tiptoe Through the Tulips"/ Tiny Tim

"Tiptoe Through the Tulips" is creepy to the MAX. It's a dude with a ukulele strumming away and warbling about getting his love to sneak out with him to the garden at midnight. Seems innocent enough, but no way in hell am I tiptoeing anywhere with Tiny Tim. You KNOW he's going to murder you in that garden, girl, so shut your window and call the cops.

Have you seen Insidious? It's one of the greatest horror flicks in YEARS. I suggest wearing an adult diaper when you view it; it's scary as all get out and makes you want to get right with Jesus. I'm not tossing out any spoilers, but I will tell you this song is featured in the movie, and it makes "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" ten times as terrifying.

1. "Ballad of Hollis Brown"/ Bob Dylan (tie)

I'm able to joke about most of the songs on this list, but this song leaves me speechless. It's terrifying and heartbreaking. The song is about the tragic end of an impoverished South Dakota farmer and his family. "The Ballad of Hollis Brown" is like listening to a ghost story, and it's the most unnerving song I've ever heard.

1. "Thriller"/Michael Jackson (tie)

You can't write a post about Halloween and not include "Thriller." I mean, unless you're a heartless commie--in which case, skate on outta here, comrade. We're talking about THE KING OF POP. "Thriller" is the greatest. The song's creepy; the video is creepy, the choreography is SICK--and Vincent Price is in it. VINCENT PRICE. The "Thriller" dance is legendary. When I die, I kind of want people to do it at my funeral. Just like, have the preacher say as few nice words before lowering me in the ground, and then THRILLER FLASH MOB. It would be the best. Either that or someone drops my casket and plays the Benny Hill theme music. Man, I kind of have a twisted sense of humor.. Anyway...

There you have it--my choices for The Creepiest Songs. Which songs make your list? Sure, I probably should have included some Norwegian Death Metal, but nah... I would like to actually sleep tonight instead of clutching my covers in abject terror. Man, Halloween is so much fun.