Follow These Simple Steps to Get Your Toddler to Eat a Balanced Meal, Take a Bath, and Get Ready for Bed

Parenting is hard work, and some days are much more difficult than others. What do you do when your little one refuses to eat dinner, take a bath, or go to bed? Lucky for you--I'be broken it down in to easy-to-follow steps. Are you ready? Let's do this!

Your toddler is a sweet, curious little kid, but things change when darkness falls across the land. Your little angel can transform into a shrieking demon banshee hellbeast who feeds exclusively on chicken nuggets and your tears of exasperation. If meal time is a skirmish, then bathtime is a battle--and bed time is all-out WAR.

Let's take a stressful evening step-by-step.

1. Come home from work/daycare/what-have-you. Your stress level is already on the rise, but you're still calm and collected. You deserve major cool points for this; not everyone can handle this hurdle, but you cleared it like a champ. The traffic alone would break most people, but not you. You navigated that crazy commute while hearing your precious one scream sing "Let it Go" seventy-eight times before informing you that [SHE] IS A CAT AND CATS SAY MEOW MOMMY MOMMY LOOK MOMMY I AM A KITTY CAT A KITTY CAT MOMMMY MEOW MEOW LOOK MOMMY MOMMY LOOK.

2. Walk into the house and breathe a sigh of relief. You think the worst part is over, but you are wrong. There is still dinner to cook, a kitchen to clean, laundry to fold, and a kid to bathe; you aren't getting off this hamster wheel any time soon.

3. Make your dinner plans. Sure, you could have done this earlier and saved yourself the hassle, but you like to live on the edge. Ask your husband what he wants for dinner, even though you are fully aware of his impending noncommittal response. After wasting ten minutes, go ahead and give up and make whatever you want.

4. Prepare a meal for your family. It's a good idea to prepare something special for your toddler. Make something you know she'll love: chicken nuggets, fish sticks, a grilled cheese sandwich. You want to be sure her meals are balanced, so spend extra time on her plate. Add steamed veggies, organic cheese, and fresh fruit.

5. Sit down for dinner. You will be able to stay seated approximately 45 seconds before you realize that you have forgotten the salt and pepper and that your husband has left every light in the kitchen on--you must fix this ASAP.

6. Sit down again. Take three bites and realize your toddler is not eating.

7. Implore your toddler to eat. Use a sweet but firm tone because you read that's what French mothers do. Try to remember any other tips from Bringing Up Bebe but draw a blank because you are too tired to think.

8. Talk to your toddler about how important it is to eat a balanced meal. Point to all the foods on her plate, telling her what each one is and why it's good for her. Tell her that eating her supper will help her grow up to be strong and have the energy to play.

9. Sit back down and eat three bites of your now lukewarm meal. Don't worry--you won't get to finish it anyway!

10. Notice your toddler has only eaten berries and cheese. Use a firm tone and tell her to eat her chicken nuggets.

11. Watch in abject horror as your kid takes a bite of chicken, looks you right in the eye, and spits in back out.

12. Keep calm. Your kid is totally stonewalling you, but it's okay. You're the parent here! Tell her she has to eat her chicken nuggets or she will have to go to time out.

13. Take a deep breath when this attempt fails.

14. Plead with her. Beg her to eat. Bribe her with sweets.

15. Try not to feel like a total failure as a mother and a person when none of this works. Watch your toddler reach for your plate and let her eat the rest of your dinner.

16. Wonder why you bother making her a separate meal when she just wants to eat what's on MOMMY'S PLATE. Make a note to yourself: remember to feed kid from my plate. This works.

17. Ask your husband to clear the dirty dishes while you finish feeding the kid.

18. Finish feeding the kid and then clear the dirty dishes yourself. It's a great idea to curse under your breath here. Wonder how June Cleaver would have handled the whole smartphone thing as you scrape the remnants of your home-cooked meal into the trash.

19. Get ready to load the dishwasher with dirty dishes only to realize you failed to put the clean dishes where they belong. Again, totally appropriate to cuss here.

20. Ask your husband to get the kiddo ready for her bath. Listen as she voices her displeasure: NO BATH TIME. NO BATH. TIME TO PLAY. NO BATH DADDY. NO BATH.

21. Finish cleaning the kitchen as your husband chases your giggling toddler around the house. Ask your husband to keep chasing her for a few more minutes. You want that kid nice and tired.

22. Prepare the bath. Note that the moment you begin running the water and adding bubble bath, your child will magically appear. Stop her from attempting to climb into the tub fully clothed.

23. Ask your toddler to sit on her training toilet and try to "make a pee pee." Read her the special potty time books you spent $50 on at Barnes and Noble. You were so optimistic that day--remember that and let that optimistic part of you die a little when your kid informs you that she just doesn't have to potty. Tell her that it's okay, and you are proud of her for trying like a big girl.

24. Place your toddler in the bubble bath. Allow her to play and splash. Fawn over her; she is the cutest thing you have ever seen.

25. Use the special tub time crayons you bought at Target to write the alphabet on the tub. Sing the alphabet song and use the crayons to review colors with your toddler. Ask her what her favorite color is (PAAAANK, MOMMY. I LIKE A PINK!) and sing a few more songs together.

26. Wash her hair and then tell her to lean back so that you can rinse the suds from her scalp. Begin rinsing her hair--the moment you start pouring water, she'll move her head and get soap RIGHT IN HER EYES.

27. Attempt to rinse her eyes to remove any soap. Realize this will only make her scream more.

28. Wait a few minutes before helping her to wash herself. Now's a good time to bust out "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" to aid in teaching her the names for her body parts.

29. Let her splash about for a few minutes before taking her out of the tub. Your child will probably be kicking and screaming; she doesn't want to get out of the tub and will not hesitate to voice this concern with the following: NO MOMMY NO I WANT A BATH I WANT MY BUBBLES NO I DON'T WANT TO NO MY BATH MY BAAAATH.

30. Dry your toddler and hand her toothbrush (with toothpaste) to her. Let her brush her teeth for a minute and then step in to finish the job.

31. Hand your toddler a small cup of water to rinse her mouth. Show her how to rinse and spit, and then watch as she simply swallows the water.

32. Thank God for training toothpaste.

33. Use the hair dryer to dry and brush her hair.

34. Return to her room to get her pajamas on. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT GIVE HER THE WRONG PULL-UPS. Woe be unto you if you accidentally grab a pair with Minnie Mouse on them instead of Dora the Explorer.

35. Get the jammies on and grab her favorite stuffed animal (*note: this will change daily. Again, DO NOT grab the wrong stuffed companion) and a blanket.

36. Curl up on the couch with a sippy cup of warm milk and allow your toddler to watch some TV. Watch two or three episodes of "Sarah & Duck" (thank you, DVR!) together.

37. Sprout will probably be showing "Caillou" at this point. In the event that you fail to pull up another episode of "Sarah & Duck," do your best not to cringe and die inside when you hear Caillou's whiny voice because CAILLOU IS THE WORST.

38. Be prepared: your toddler will start to whine after the second episode of "Sarah & Duck;" she knows bedtime is approaching. This is when she will start insisting that she watch Frozen or Kitten Party for the 57,7652,999,222 time.

39. Tell your toddler it is time for bed. She will tell you that she has to "pee pee in the potty."

40. Go to the bathroom and attempt another potty session. When she doesn't go, tell her it's okay--you are still proud of her for trying.

41. Tuck her in to bed. She will now attempt to trick you with any of the following (heads-up; she bats her eyes and looks super precious while pleading with you):

• "Mommy, I am hungry."
• "Mommy, I want to read a book."
• "Mommy, where is my kitty?"
• "Mommy, I'm thirsty."

42. Give in to her demands for a lullaby. Tell her you will sing JUST ONE SONG and end up singing eleven.

43. Kiss her goodnight and shut the door. *Note: she will start wailing the instant you shut her door.

44. Sit down in the living room and attempt to have some "me" time.

45. Notice your toddler either a) standing in her doorway and looking at you as if you just broke her heart or b) running into the living room with unbridled energy and glee.

46. Repeat steps 41-45 until your toddler is sound asleep.

47. Take your bath.

48. Curse when you realize you forgot about the laundry.

49. Do the laundry.

50. Get in bed to FINALLY enjoy some "me" time. Pass out at 9:45 while looking at Pinterest on your phone.

Wasn't that a breeze? Who knew getting your toddler ready for bed could be so easy AND so much fun?