Now is the time to make peace with your creator, as the tenth sign of the apocalypse is upon us: ALL LANES OF LURLEEN WALLACE BOULEVARD ARE NOW OPEN.

I drove to Northport yesterday and honestly: I am still shook.

As I turned from 12th Street onto the northbound lanes of Lurleen Wallace Boulevard, I thought I was seeing some sort of mirage. There were THREE freshly paved lanes, and traffic was moving in each lane. I pinched myself. I blinked in disbelief. I briefly entertained the thought that I should call my doctor and ask to adjust my medication before I realized I was not, in fact, hallucinating.

ALL THREE LANES OF LURLEEN WALLACE NORTHBOUND WERE OPEN. There were no road construction cones. There was no orange in sight. I felt as if I had been transported into another dimension. What is downtown Tuscaloosa without its innumerable road cones?

I couldn't believe it. When did ALDOT start the project on Lurleen Wallace Boulevard? 2017? 1962? 1775? The project that we thought would NEVER end has more or less ended. How crazy is that?

2020 is just buck wild, man. All three lanes of Lurleen Wallace Southbound opened before the Fourth of July, and now all three lanes of Lurleen Wallace Northbound are open. Who had 'Completed Lurleen Wallace Roadwork' on their 2020 Bingo Cards? I would have assumed we'd get murder hornets, lightning strikes, or another plague before ALDOT put a bow on this mess.

Thank GOD this roadwork is done. If they finish the 3726593726597327194873281573921 other projects at this pace, we could have normal traffic flow returned to the city before Elon Musk colonizes Mars.

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