It’s Time for Me to Go to Lip Balm Rehab

I have an addiction and I need help.Winter is just around the corner. It’s the season of chilly weather, sweaters, cocoa, and all other sorts of warm cuddly goodness, and it’s also the season of damp, rainy days, depressingly frizzy hair, and seriously dry skin. I’ve learned a few tips and tricks over the years to combat my winter frizzies and parched complexion, but I have never managed to get control over one thing: my borderline insane, constant use of lip balm.

I am ADDICTED to lip balm. I have tried all manners of lip balms, glosses, sticks, and salves. They may be particularly effective in preventing and curing my chapped lips, but there is still this deep-rooted need inside of me to constantly apply lip balm. All the time. Everywhere. All day. I am the Lindsay Lohan of lip moisturizers—it’s that ridic.

 If you drove to the station right now and asked me to delve into the abyss that is my purse, I would return with AT LEAST three tubes and two pots of the good stuff. I am a level four chapstick hoarder. I have a compulsion to continuously apply it. This addition is beyond my (and out of) control.

Oh, these? Just four of the eight types of lip balm on my person at any given time. NBD.

Just sitting here and typing this, I am thinking about lip balm. It’s just a little thought right now, like, “Hey, my lips are kind of dry, so maybe I should hit the ol’ lip chap.” I almost always give into the urge; however, on rare conditions I will not have any lip balm on hand. THIS IS AN ABSOULTE DEFCON 5 CATASTROPHE. I will obsess over my parched lips until they sting with the fire of a thousand blowtorches. I forgot to bring lip balm on a road trip once and remember hitting up four different gas stations until I finally found one that sold the precious. I may or may not have hugged that cashier when she showed me the tubes of chapstick behind the counter…

I can’t help myself. Maybe it’s time for me to call up Dr. Drew; maybe it’s time for an intervention… at any rate, I am certain of one thing: it’s time to apply more lip balm!