Lord Help Me I am Obsessed with Flip Burger Boutique

I died and went to heaven: BURGER HEAVEN. I will NOT assimilate back into the real world. I have seen the light, and it is DELISH.

I had a doctor's appointment in Birmingham yesterday. It was about some medical drama that has had your homegirl here stressing like nobody's business for the past week. I finished my appointment and was super bummed, so Will (being the perfect man he is) made it his mission to cheer me up.

We left Brookwood Hospital and went to the Taj Mahal of Targets. THIS SUCKER IS SO BIG IT HAS A SEPARATE ESCALATOR FOR CARTS. FOR CARTS! We walked around super-swank Target like a bunch of slacked-jawed hicks in from the country, mesmerized by them there scary electrified lights and shiny internet thingamabobs for rich folks. A random worker walked up to us and I seriously thought he was going to chase us out with a broom or something and yell, "GET OUT OF HERE! NO POORS ALLOWED!"

He did not. He handed us a MAP. This Target was so big we needed a MAP.

Anyway, after Taj Mahal Tarjay we decided to grab a bite to eat. Will suggested Flip Burger in The Summit; I enthusiastically agreed, as I am kind of obsessed with Richard Blais, Flip Burger's founder and TopChef star. I had no idea, y'all.

We sat in a padded booth in the mega-baller restaurant. I snapped a pic of myself looking all starstruck and hungry. This is my reflection in the light fixture. BTW: Our waitress was attentive and friendly and did not judge me for taking, like, eight thousand pictures and posting them to Instagram.

I decided on a burger simply called "bigger." I imagine it was given such a simple name because 'WARNING: DO NOT EAT THIS OR YOU WILL BE RUINED FOR LIFE AND NEVER ABLE TO EAT ANOTHER HAMBURGER AGAIN UNLESS IT HAS BEEN BLESSED BY THE SAINTLY HANDS OF RICHARD BLAIS" wouldn't fit on the menu.

'bigger' came with aged grass-fed beef, three-year cheddar, smoky bacon, caramelized onions, smoked mayonnaise (yes, such a thing exists and is a testament to kitchen wizardry and all things decadent and delicious), and Worcestershire gravy. Just look at it.

Here's what was left. Notice I was able to order my burger cooked medium, as they freshly grind all meat in house. It was so juicy and amazing my brain still can't fully process it.

I had a side of hand-cut french fries, They were fried in beef tallow (!) and served with a side of ketchup and smoked mayonnaise. I know you're thinking, "Gross, fatty. I would never eat mayo on fries." I thought the same thing until I tried it. It was dang transcendent.

We had a Nutella milkshake topped with charred marshmallows for desert.

I swear I heard a boys choir sing the Hallelujah chorus when I took my first sip. It was THAT good. I left Flip Burger unreasonably full and in a borderline food coma. The menu is a bit pricey for hamburgers, but it's easy to justify the cause because RICHARD BLAIS.

Something tells me I have many more trips to The Summit in my future... I'm already planning stops on my way to RidgeFest and back. That's TWO times. Happy Mother's Day to me.

I can't make it to B'ham until this weekend, so I am just going to watch Richard Blais vids on Youtube until I can return to burger heaven. Oh Richard, you crafty food wizard, what will you think of next?