Life as a New Mom: Mondays, Migraines, and a Total Mommy Meltdown

I knew I should have stayed in bed today; I've only been awake three hours and today is already starting to resemble the seventh layer of the underworld. What do you do on the days you just can't handle it? Seriously--I need all the advice I can get here. 

I woke up with a migraine. Blah. I downed a fistful of ibuprofen and went on to conquer my day. Hair was did. Makeup was done. I let the dog out and make sure she ate her breakfast. Despite the sensation of an icepick's being rammed into my temples and eyesockets, I was cool.

And then I lost my cool. I still feel guilty about it, but how do you maintain when your kid throws a waffle in your face? I want to know because MY KID LITERALLY THREW A WAFFLE IN MY FACE.

DUN DUN DUN...

Let's roll this mamma jamma back a bit to allow me to explain how the dietary drama went down: I got my daughter up and got her dressed. She was super cranky because I woke her up, but NBD. She gets that from me (woe unto the person who awakes me from my slumber...)

Anyway, I get her into this sweet little sundress and we go into the kitchen. She's in the final stages of getting over an ear infection, so I had to give her her antibiotic and Advil. (CHILDREN'S Advil, not Infant's. Tear. She's such a big girl now.) Dolores decided it would be funny to blow raspberries and spit out the purple Advil. It was errrrrywhere.

I had to change her, but again, NBD. I was slightly annoyed, but kids are going to be kids. You just have to sit back and enjoy the shenanigans. Dolly got a new dress on, and then it was breakfast time. I offered her chocolate chip waffle sticks. They were on sale at Winn-Dixie, and who doesn't love waffles?

MY KID, apparently. She refused to take a bite. I sweetly coaxed her into trying it, but she wouldn't even taste the dang thing. Then I held the waffle by her mouth and was like, "Hey, doesn't this look good? Try it? Yummy! " Again--still relatively calm here--annoyed, but calm.

This is when things GOT REAL. I offered the waffle to her, she took it. I thought to myself, awesome job, awesome mom, but that only lasted for half a second. I was sitting there, thinking I was in control when I took an Eggo straight to the dome.

She had thrown the waffle in my face and then proceeded to wail like a scorned banshee demon child. It was just snot and tears and, "NO MOMMMY. NO. LITTLE MUFFINS. NOOOOOOOOOOO."

See, she has been on this Entemann's Mini Muffins kick, and since she eats like a bird, I don't mind giving her such a high calorie breakfast. But we didn't buy Mini Muffins, we bought waffles, and JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL, my kid was NOT down with that.

I'm generally calm and try to never get angry with my daughter--but I did. Man, I was straight up mad at her. I feel so guilty and terrible for it. I mean, here is this sweet little baby who just wants a daggum muffin--and I'm mad at her for pitching a fit. In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter?

I had to discipline her; I don't want her to become a little Veruca Salt. I bent down, held her hands, and said something about how it's not nice to throw food and it's not nice to yell at Mommy and how she should eat her breakfast so she has energy to run and play. She still had tears in her eyes, and I felt like The Worst Mother Ever.

She calmed down and ate her breakfast (not a waffle, BTW; she got grapes and applesauce because I gave in). She was in a good mood during our commute; we sang, and she giggled. I dropped her off at her classroom, and she started to cry.

"Mommy," she whimpered, "Mommy no go."

Uggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I wanted to fold over and start bawling. She had no idea how mad I was at her this morning, and even though she'd screamed at me and thrown breakfast in my face, she still just wanted to be near me.

I gave her a hug, went back to the car and broke down. I cried. SO MANY TEARS. Why is Mommy Guilt like a knife to the feels? I didn't do anything wrong, but I feel like I have. I feel so guilty and terrible for getting mad at my kid.

I know it's only going to get worse, especially when she's an angsty teen. I know it's a perfectly normal emotion to feel mad at or annoyed by your kids. I know all this, and I still feel like crap.

I need a hug. And advice. How do you handle your Mommy or Daddy guilt? Am I totally insane? Is it just part of the struggle?