Life as a New Mom: I Feel Like the Worst Mother of All Time Today

I am learning that being a parent is 50% completing tasks and caring for your child successfully, 5% giggles, and 45% constant self-doubt. As if I needed another reminder that I'm not an A+ Mommy...

It was wicked cold last night. I knew this well in advance; I knew there was a freeze warning in effect and that it was going to be C-O-L-D outside. We had dinner; Dolly logged some quality time in on the old Jumperoo (video to follow because it's too cute for words); she took a bath, had a bottle, and went to bed. It wasn't long before I passed out in front of the TV while watching some documentary on PBS about "The Seven Foods You Should Never Eat" or something crazy like that.

Needless to say, I had nightmares about GMO soybeans and other health food aberrations. I woke up this morning feeling a little PTSD from the nightmares but in an otherwise great mood. I got up; I started getting ready for work, and then I realized how cold I felt. I went to check the thermostat, and my stomach sunk.

It was 58 degrees. INSIDE MY HOUSE.

I forgot to turn the heater on last night. It had been such lovely weather the past few days that we hadn't needed to run the heat. It was not lovely weather last night, and I knew this. Why did I forget to turn the heater on?

How could I forget to turn the heater on? Am I the worst mother in recorded history?

A million of these self-doubting questions start running through my mind the moment after I  switched the heat back on. I literally ran back to Dolly's nursery to make sure she wasn't in some form of hypothermic shock.

She was not. She was fine. She sleeps in a one-piece microfleece footed PJ and wears a wearable blanket to bed, so she was nice and toasty. Thank God. (sidenote: I was doing a Google search for a picture of fleece PJ's for babies when I realized that THEY MAKE FLEECE FOOTIE PAJAMAS FOR GROWN UPS. Awesome.)

My (very wise) Daddy told me once that my constant worry about being a "good" mother is proof that I am one. I try to remember that in moments like this morning--where I feel nothing but inadequacy and self-doubt. I mean, really: Dolly was fine. She'd never even know about my forgetting to turn the heater on if I hadn't recorded the maudlin saga for all the internet to see.

I never knew how much I could love someone until I had a child, but with that love comes a whole lot of heartache, too. That's the hard part about being a mother, about being a parent. You're now caring for someone you love more than yourself. Even the little things--the tiniest mistakes--feel like the most egregious of errors because you want everything to always be absolute perfection for your child.

But life is (and always will be) anything but perfect. As a new mom, I've got to learn how to roll with the punches. I wish I could think of something witty to say to end this, but I have only had ONE cup of coffee and am still in zombie mode... so here's Dolly having fun in her Jumperoo. Look at the way she opens her mouth when she starts bouncing. It kills me. She really is the greatest.