Life as a New Mom: Go, Go, GONE [VIDEO]

My nearly nine month old has gone from a fairly stationary baby to a fully mobile toddler. God, help me. 

Long gone are the days when I could let her entertain herself in the ol' Pack-n-Play while Momma enjoyed some "me" time (read: marthon of Law & Order SVU). The simplest of tasks has become the Agro-Crag of obstacles.

Bath time? More like "try to hold on to a slippery baby who is trying to crawl out of the tub while freaking yourself out every six seconds because she tries to eat soap or bumps her head on the faucet or gets shampoo in her eyes and wails like a banshee" time. Oh, and Johnson and Johnson? Y'all lied to me. NO MORE TEARS--riiiiiiiiight.

Meal time is ridiculous as well, as young Dolores has developed the palate of Ron Swanson and refuses to eat any and all vegetables. She has learned to say NO, which I hear repeated, like, fifty million times while she shakes her head in protest: HOW DARE YOU TRY TO FEED ME NUTRITIOUS FOOD, WOMAN!

She can stand in her crib and Pack-n-Play as evidenced in the video above. Yesterday, she tore the securely mounted video monitor down in a fit of rage. NO NAPS! She crawls faster than Jack-Jack from "The Incredibles," and she is using the furniture to pull herself into an upright position. Walking is mere weeks away, and I am not ready.

I guess that's parenthood for you--you never really find a firm ground on which to stand. It's like running on a treadmill and adjusting to a faster pace. You think, "I got this!" and five seconds later someone cranks up the speed and you land flat on your face. THAT is parenthood.