How I Survived a Massive Snake Attack

Let me tell you about my encounter with a massive monster snake!  It was a show down of epic proportions.  Pick up the phone, it's Martin Scorsese and he wants to make movie about this battle.

The house next to mine is empty and the grass is growing wild.  A haven for snakes! Keep in mind, we all have one acre lots in this neighborhood, big yards.  Also, a key thing to know going into this, I use a push lawnmower.

I decided enough is enough, the next door lawn has to be mowed before its gets too tall and a bushhog is needed.  My yard came first, as I go to the property line where there is an overgrown flat (and ugly) shrub.  Cut, cut.  Next, the backyard.  All good.  Now, time to tackle next door.  I kept looking around for snakes as my white knuckles pushed the mower.  All clear.

Wouldn't you know it, I come back up the hill along the property line to cut more around that big a** shrub and thump.  Pull the mower back and it's a giant snake.  I fled the scene.

Slowly, I poke my head out of the garage, to see if the angry snake was looking for me.  Too many movies, that's all I can say about that.  Then, my neighbor yells out, 'did yellow jackets get you?'  That has happened before and I did run from the swarm stinging the crap out of my ankle.  Nope, a giant snake is the reply.

We go back to the scene to see it was a chicken snake and dead from the lawnmower blade.  A big snake.  My neighbor commented on how loud I yelled out.  Okay, I sounded like a little school girl running away.  Got it.  Snakes freak me out, is that alright?

Don't we all have something or another for a phobia?  To the point, the photo below bothers me deeply, as a man kisses a cobra snake.

NO!  I just threw up in my mouth.  Thanks, crazy man kissing a cobra snake.