Confession Time: The Most Embarrassing Moment of My Life

Kidd Kraddick in the Morning featured a flashback from 2008 this morning in which Kidd, Kellie, Big Al, and J-Si all shared their most embarrassing moments. If they were brave enough to do it; I can do the same: this is the single most embarrassing moment of my life.

At first, I was going to write about the time in 5th grade where I sneezed and farted at the same time during a test, but then I dug deeper into my Extremely Repressed Memories File and I started to feel the humiliation all over again...

It was the fall of 1998. I was a freshman at Chelsea High School in Chelsea, AL. It was Friday night, so that meant my parents dropped me off in the parking lot of The Summit (I didn't want anyone to actually SEE me getting out of our minivan). Then I met up with some girlfriends and we all decided to go see Meet Joe Black. Brad Pitt, y'all!

I didn't pay attention to the movie's run time in regards to my curfew, because I was 14 and had ZERO common sense. Anyway, Meet Joe Black is like, three hours long. I was oblivious to this fact until about 10:30 when this one man walks into the theater towards the end of the film.

I'm thinking, "Who is this dude, and why is he walking toward the middle aisle of the theater?"

When he spoke, I knew. It was MY DAD. He stood in the MIDDLE OF THE DANG THEATER and yelled my full name.

Then he pointed to his watch and said, "It's past your curfew, and it's time to go. NOW!"

I wanted to DIE. I remember thinking, "If I get up now, everyone will know that deranged psycho yelling in the theater is my DAD." I'm getting PTSD just THINKING about it, y'all.

After what felt like two centuries, my dad gave up and left the theater. I waited a few more minutes and made my exit. I could have defied him and been all, "I'm going to finish this movie," but I didn't want to be grounded until Jesus came back.

Oddly enough, I don't remember what happened after meeting up with my dad. I'm pretty sure it involved my screaming and sobbing that he'd RUINED MY LIFE FOREVER and NOW NO ONE WILL BE FRIENDS WITH ME BECAUSE GOD, DAD, UGGGGGH and probably YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME.

Obviously, I survived. I've had my share of other embarrassing moments since, but nothing has come close to the Meet Joe Black Theater Fiasco of 1998. You know I've never seen the rest of that movie? Too much repressed shame, I guess. Even Brad Pitt's angelic face is no match to internalized teenage shame.

Fun times!