An Open Letter to Literally Everyone I Know

This is an open letter to literally everyone I know. Allow me a moment to speak from the heart and say...

Y'ALL NEED TO STAY THE $#@* HOME.

Seriously. Unless you are visiting or working at an essential business, just STAY THE #@^& HOME.

I know staying home is boring; if you have one or more children, being trapped in the house feels like some sort of never-ending prison sentence, but we have to make sacrifices if we want to flatten the curve and prevent the spread of the novel Coronavirus.

We're staying home so that our hospitals don't get overwhelmed. We're staying home so we can keep our friends and neighbors healthy. We're staying home so we can keep this pandemic from dragging on and on and on and on...

Do y'all want to have a College Football Season? I do. Do you want to tailgate this fall? I sure as hell do. If you want to watch the Tide roll later, you need to stay home NOW.

I mean it: Y'ALL STAY THE %$^* HOME.

If you're working at or visiting an essential business, you get a pass... but again: STAY THE @!#$ HOME.

Do you think I WANT to homeschool my kid for the rest of the year? Do you think I want to not be able to temporarily fill the void inside of me by endlessly swatching lipsticks at Sephora? Do you think I WANT to watch like every concert and festival get cancelled? NO. NO I DO NOT.

Please, help me get things back to normal as soon as possible. I am literally begging you.

STAY THE $%^& HOME.