An Open Letter to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Hey, y'all. I heard about what you chose to name your daughter. Can we talk?

At first, I thought naming y'all's daughter 'North' was an exceptionally stupid move (kind of like Jason Lee naming his kid Pilot Inspektor), but after I thought about it for a while, I got it. In fact, I kind of dig the name 'North,' as it seems to be a means of instilling a sense of direction and drive into your daughter. That's cool. It's unfortunate that her name is going to be 'North West,' because that kind of ruins the whole thing, but hey--it's your kid.

I've known lots of parents who didn't (or deviously did) consider their last names when naming their children. My mom went to school with a girl named Ophelia. Nice name, right? Her last name was Butt. No lie: Ophelia Butt. Her parents either were the most oblivious--or villainous-- in recorded history. Did I mention her father's name was Harry?

Kudos on not sticking with the annoying 'K' name trend. No offense, Kim, but it's getting ridiculous. I'm so glad y'all didn't name her Krystal Ketamine or Khrome Kreation or some other KRAY nonsense.

Anyway, kongratulations on being parents. I imagine that being gagillionaires will make things easier on you. Tell me, what is it like to be able to pay your hospital delivery bills in full? I bet it's great. It's probably NBD to you, but then again you're not stuck paying off hospital bills until the day you die or Jesus comes back and gets you off the hook.

I hope these first days with your baby girl are filled with love and happiness. I wish I could see the two of you holding your tiny daughter, surrounded by your friends and family and... wait, I probably end up seeing the whole thing on E! anyway.

Best Wishes,

Meg

PS: Kim, please don't let people bully you in to losing your baby weight in three weeks or less. Your body belongs to you and no one else, OK? Enjoy being a mom. Pregnancy and motherhood changes your body; embrace that change. You do not have to lose every ounce of baby weight just to land a bikini-clad cover of Us Magazine or some other nonsense. The way you feel about your body teaches your daughter to feel the same way about her own body. Be beautiful, Kim. If people say you're too chunky, then tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine.