Powerball Reaches Record $500 Million Jackpot

If you’re hoping to get rich, now is the time to strike. The latest Powerball Jackpot just hit $500 million. You read that right—five hundred MILLION dollars.

Before you drive 95 miles an hour all the way to Georgia to purchase a ticket, you need to know two things. 1.) You are henceforth required to take me with you and/or purchase a ticket for me 2.) Your odds of winning the jackpot are a slim 1 in 75 million.

That means you have a greater chance of winning an Academy Award than the Powerball Jackpot. You’re also more likely to strike it rich on Antiques Roadshow (1 in 600,000 odds), find a career as an astronaut (1 in 13.2 million), or be officially recognized as a saint (1 in 20 million). You also have a greater chance of spotting a UFO (1 in 3 million) or becoming the President of the United States (1 in 10 million).

But don’t despair—someone has to win that jackpot at some point, and it might as well be you… or me. But mostly just me. So, if you’ll excuse me, I am about to head out the door and fly to Georgia to pick up my winning ticket. Then I am claiming my 500 mill and swimming in it a la Scrooge McDuck. Adios, y’all!