Today is the Greatest Day Ever Because I Got a NEW CAR [PHOTOS]

If you need me, I'll be driving all around town weeping tears of joy--I got a new car today!

I am now the (excessively) proud owner of a 2013 Volkswagen Passat. I have wanted a Volkswagen for years, and now I have one. I am beside myself with joy. I was driving my sweet new ride to the B101.7 studio this morning, and thinking to myself IS THIS REAL LIFE?

It's just... my Passat is SO NICE. It's beautiful. It's clean and pretty and a marvel of German engineering.

Also--it's infinitely better than my previous car. My old ride was a 2000 Saturn LS1. It was SEVENTEEN years old. Like, that car was so old it could get a license and drive itself. The paint was peeling. There was a hole in the compressor, so the A/C didn't work--and that made summer UNBEARABLE. Just look at this piece.

My Passat has A/C. I can turn that mess on FULL BLAST if I want to, as I am living the dream right now. It's also a uniform color. And the breaks don't squeal like a forlorn banshee. And it has side-impact airbags and a host of other safety features that didn't even exist when my old car was assembled SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO.

Just... y'all.

Look at my new baby. I am in L-O-V-E.