I Survived the Pinterest Hair Disaster of 2013
This is no April Fool's Joke, y'all. I tried a hair "hack" I found on Pinterest, and the results were so disastrous I almost called FEMA. I'm all about shaving precious time off my morning routine, so when I found this pin that promised to help me "MASTER THE BLOWOUT," I was thrilled. I pulled the article up on my Galaxy S3 this morning as a reference as I followed the instructions step by step. I even used velcro rollers. I was so optimistic. I put my hair in the rollers and finished my makeup and tended to my daughter, who was screaming at the top of her lungs because she'd tossed Sophie out of her crib and I wasn't able to embark on an immediate rescue mission. After I finished my makeup, rescued Sophie, and returned to el baño, I began to take my hair out of the rollers.
I imagined smooth, sleek, voluminous curls. I was going to look like I stepped out of a freaking Pantene commercial. I would walk up and down the halls of the Townsquare Media Tuscaloosa office, basking in the glow of countless comments from coworkers. Everyone was going to be all, "Dang. Meg really stepped up her style game."
That dream became a real nightmare the second I started unraveling my hair from the velcro rollers. My naturally curly hair had accepted the roller as its new home and did not want to leave. I thought I was going to have to take scissors to my hair to get the everlovin' rollers out. At this point, my baby is in the other room shrieking again, and I am in FULL ON PANIC MODE. I used a little spritz of detangler to get the other rollers out and then looked in the mirror.
I looked like a deranged Texas beauty queen. I wanted volume, but what I got was a Level Five Rat's Nest. I looked back down at my phone to see if I had enough time to wash my hair and style it normally, but it was already 7:45am. I didn't even have time to cry--when would I be able to redo all my makeup?
I put the Horror of All Horrors in a ponytail and headed out the door. Once I got to work, I immediately ran to the bathroom to see if my sleek pony had helped calm the cray cray out of my hair. The volume had been reduced by about 50%, but... It was still AWFUL. I took some pictures; they don't do it justice. This is the worst hair day I've had in a looooooong time.
I know they say, "The higher the hair, the closer to God," but at this point even God would say, "Hey, you might want to do something about that hair, my child."
I sprayed the living daylights out of it with a little Batiste Blush, brushed it down, and then pulled in into a low pony. Then I lacquered it down with so much hair spray that I now have a hole in the Ozone Layer to follow me around for all eternity. Looks good, but I will be forever scarred.
Thanks, Pinterest! Okay; it's probably my fault because I don't know how to use velcro rollers, but whatevs. Follow me on Pinterest and help me choose my next hair disaster!