Do You Know What Kind of Snake This Is?

The apocalypse is upon us. A snake basically fell from the sky onto my back porch this morning, and I don't even know what kind of snake it is. Please, internet, help me.

You see that bad looking mama jamma above? Dude was chilling on the top of our screen door this morning, and when my husband went to let our dog out--BAM.

This snake fell to the ground.

I was not there for this event (and it's a good thing I wasn't because WHOO BOY I would have required the assistance of Depends and Aunt Pittypat's smellin' salts), so my husband sent me the pic above. We can't figure out what type of snake it is--can you?

I thought it was a Copperhead, but he says the pattern is more spots than bands, so WHO REALLY KNOWS? I thought it looked a little like a Boa Constrictor, but what in the red hot Hades would a BOA CONSTRICTOR be doing in Cottondale? (Besides trying to kill me?)

I've tried to Google it. I want y'all to know that I really and truly tried, but looking at pictures of snakes makes me die inside. This snake is a mystery to me, sure, but your gal CANNOT take anymore serpents right now.

So, what say y'all? Copperhead? (Please let me be right. I love being right.) Boa Constrictor? Milk Snake? Demon Spawn?

Thanks for your help! If you need me, I will be looking at new houses and/or apartments because I may or may not be too terrified to ever go home again...