Hey Buddy,

I'm not sure if you remember me from your commute this morning. You seemed to be in a wicked hurry, so perhaps the details of your drive to work (or home or whatever) are a blur; I hope, however, that you remember me. In case you've forgotten, I am the woman YOU RAN OFF THE DANG ROAD, and guess what? WE NEED TO TALK.

I woke up in an awesome mood this morning. I had surprised my two-year-old with a new Hello Kitty lunchbox, and the weather outside was pristine. I secured my daughter in her car seat and thought to myself, "This is going to be a fantastic day."

We headed off on our way. Dolly, my two-year-old daughter who was in the car with me, wanted to sing to her new lunchbox. (Did I mention that? Did I mention I had a kid in the car? I don't have one of those old school 'Baby on Board' stickers on my car; I never thought I needed one until you came along, but I just want to be CRYSTAL CLEAR on the fact that THERE WAS A BABY IN MY CAR. ANYWAY.) We were halfway through our second rendition of "Everybody Wants to Be a Cat" when I noticed your car in my rear view mirror.

In the time it took me to blink (literally), you'd come up behind my car--you went from reasonable distance to superwaytooclose in a matter of seconds. You were totally speeding, but whatever: I'm no angel when it comes to obeying the speed limit. You get a pass on that one, but here's my problem, dude (or lady): YOU ARE AN INSANE PERSON WHO HAS NO BUSINESS OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE.**

You drove so close to my car that I could not see your headlights--even the hood of your car, really--in my rear view mirror. That is ridiculous. I was annoyed by your lack of lack of common sense and driving etiquette, and I assumed that when I tapped my brakes, you'd understand my doing so was a polite plea to BACK OFF, BRO.

You didn't back off though, did you, pal? You stayed so far up my rear end that I started to assume you were a Colo-Rectal Surgeon. I was starting to get seriously ticked off after you'd been recklessly tailgating me for what felt like the longest three minutes of my life. I didn't understand your aggression--I get it; we're all in a hurry sometimes, but DANG, DUDE. I was going 5 miles OVER the speed limit and you still felt the need to make like a suppository.

Your whack tailgating should have been the end of it, but then you decided to bust out the big guns AND RUN ME OFF THE ROAD. I'm sorry you couldn't pass me, but I'm not the one who decided which sections of Highway 11 were No Passing Zones. I don't pave or paint the road, yo--I just drive on it.

I TRY to drive on it, but then jerkfaces like you have to act like erratic entitled morons and RUN ME OFF THE ROAD. Sure, you were able to whip your ride around mine and RUN ME OFF THE ROAD thereby enabling to get to wherever you were going a few minutes faster, but did you ever consider my daughter's safety, my safety, anything but your own selfish need to drive 2Fast 2 Furious?

When you RAN ME OFF THE ROAD, did you realize you could have hurt my child? I could have wrecked my car and you wouldn't have known--you were too busy pulling a Sammy Hagar and hauling it to wherever. I'm sorry you can't drive 55, but your lead foot doesn't afford you the right to RUN ME OFF THE ROAD.

After you, you know, RAN ME OFF THE ROAD, I sat in my car for a minute or two. I calmed my daughter down--she was crying because she was terrified and honestly I was, too. I pulled it together and resumed my commute, the remainder of which was totally chill and psycho-free.

Maybe I should have tried to write down your license plate so I could report your crazy self to Highway Patrol. Maybe I should have remembered a description of your car so I could file a formal report. I was too scared, and it all happened so fast that I didn't have time to think. I just did what I had to do to keep my daughter safe.

I don't know if you'll ever see this. You probably won't. Whatever.

I hope the people who ARE reading this take a moment to think about how dangerous driving can be, especially when there are lunatics like you on the road.

Everyone else--be careful out there. Drive smart. Drive safely, and always wear your seat belts. Oh, and don't be an aggressive jerk.



**Unless you were in active labor at the time--if that's the case, disregard all this and maybe call an ambulance next time...