Summer may not officially start until Memorial Day, but it's already hot as hell in West Alabama--and I need to remind everyone that summer is, in fact, GARBAGE.

Here are 50 reasons why:

  1. heat
  2. humidity
  3. bees
  4. wasps
  5. mosquitoes
  6. electricity bills higher than Lindsay Lohan
  7. hornets
  8. snakes
  9. people who don't wear deodorant
  10. rising gas prices
  11. asphalt parking lots that are like 46378268764973 degrees farenheit
  12. pool crowds
  13. water park crowds
  14. amusement park crowds
  15. festival crowds
  16. yellow jackets
  17. that one dude who wears sandals with socks
  18. the moment condensation from a beverage drips onto your clothes
  19. armpit sweat
  20. back sweat
  21. shorts/dresses that cause your plump thighs to rub up against each other
  22. getting chub rub from your thighs keeping in touch like bffs
  23. pollen
  24. no football
  25. people who take vacations when you can't afford one
  26. people who go to festivals when you can't afford a ticket
  27. ants
  28. fire ants
  29. buying a watermelon and finding out you didn't get the seedless variety
  30. that five minutes of misery before the a/c kicks in
  31. traffic jams
  32. days when there's a .05% chance of rain so you can't roll down your windows to let the hot swamp air escape while you're trapped in the office
  33. that one kid who splashes too much in the pool
  34. people who invite you to picnics or whatever and pretending like you have actual intentions of attending instead of staying at home and binging netflix like the sad potato you are
  35. graduations
  36. weddings
  37. basically any event that requires pants
  38. bees
  39. wasps
  40. hornets
  41. mosquitoes
  42. mosquitoes
  43. mosquitoes
  44. wasps
  45. wasps
  46. wasps
  47. wasps
  48. ticks
  49. tick bites that cause you to pull up webmd and convince yourself you now have lonestar disease
  50. the uncomfortable post-thunderstorm hike in humidity

I could probably think of 1,000 reasons why summer is THE WORST. I hate it, man. Bring on fall and football!

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