65 Reasons Why Summer is the Absolute WORST
Some people may tell you that summer doesn't officially start until after Memorial Day, but people who live in Alabama can tell you that summer starts around mid-April down here. Summer is a time for swimming and barbecues and all sorts of fun outdoor activities--but it is also the WORST.
I am not ashamed to admit it: I hate summer. I hate basically everything about it. Here is a list of all the (many) reasons why summer is the seasonal equivalent of a hot dumpster fire:
- It's like 5787587387 million degrees outside
- My power bill goes from [SOMEWHAT REASONABLE FIGURE] to [FIRST BORN CHILD]
- Bees
- Wasps
- Hornets
- Frizz
- Sunburn
- Spending more than 20 minutes outside leaves your entire body covered in gross sweat
- Chub Rub (all y'all without a thigh gap know what I am talking about here. It is TORTURE.)
- Increasing gas prices
- Congested interstates
- Lines at the airport are basically The Never-Ending Story
- Yellow Jackets
- Mosquitoes
- That one song by LFO that ALWAYS gets stuck in my head
- When people burn trash outdoors and you walk outside and smell it
- It's basically a sauna outside until late October
- The sun doesn't set until dang near 8:30 some nights, so you have to attempt to reason with your kids when they whine about having to go to bed with the sun still out
- There are like no good TV shows
- Asphalt parking lots turn into scorching lava fields of death
- Hornets
- Wasps
- Hornets
- Wasps
- Hornets
- Wasps
- Hornets
- Wasps
- I live in the sticks, so we don't have an ice cream man--and I REALLY like ice cream
- Hearing your kids whine about being SO BORED, MOM while they're home on break
- Hearing how SO REALLY BORED your kids are upwards of 75 times a day
- Swimsuit Season
- Beach Bodies
- Wanting to vomit every time I step out into the desolate hellscape that is Alabama in August
- No really--it's like Dante's Inferno out there
- All the bands you want to see play at festivals that cost a kidney for general admission
- Mosquitoes
- Mosquitoes
- Mosquitoes
- Going to someone's barbecue and thinking potato salad is a safe side dish bet, but it's not because OH LORD, THERE IS RAW WHITE ONION IN HERE
- Getting into a car with leather seats and having your thighs seared off
- Burning your butt on picnic tables and/or slides
- Fire Ants
- No football
- Rolling up to Summer Snow and seeing the line is like 50 people deep and having your heart broken because SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED SUMMER SNOW
- Seeing people who wear socks with sandals
- When people ask you what your vacation plans are but you don't have any because you're broooooooooke and deep down inside the void of your soul, you know you're a failure
- Seeing pictures of other people's awesome expensive vacations all up in your newsfeed
- Getting sun spots on your face after you've been outside for .005 seconds
- People who say stupid crap like, "Hot enough out there for ya?"
- IT IS, BUDDY. IT IS HOT ENOUGH OUT THERE FOR ME. IN FACT, IT IS FAR, FAR MORE HOT THAN I EVER WANT IT TO BE, SO MAYBE GIVE ME SOME CASH SO I CAN MOVE TO LIKE, ICELAND, OR SOMETHING
- Going to the Farmer's Market and finding out they're out of watermelon or cantelope
- People who give you that "ewwww" face when you put salt on watermelon or cantelope--look, it's not my fault your momma didn't teach you how to live right
- That one kid who always shows out at the pool/waterpark
- Getting into your car and feeling as if you just walked into an industrial oven from the Sunbeam factory off 15th street
- Fire Ants
- That one drunk dude at the family barbecue who thinks it's a good idea to use a Roman Candle like a sparkler
- Taking that dude to the ER later
- Bees
- Hornets
- Wasps
- Yellow Jackets
- Mosquitoes
- Basically anything that flies
- EVERYTHING ABOUT SUMMER IS AWFUL