Christmas is just six days away, and I don't know about y'all, but I am READY. I don't want to do literally anything but watch Home Alone and eat Reese's Trees. Has anyone else checked out for the holidays? I can't be the only one.

Here's a list of all the things I would rather do than actually work:

  1. be waterboarded
  2. be punched in the face
  3. run a marathon
  4. kick a hornet's nest
  5. be an Auburn fan
  6. die
  7. watch 88 episodes of Paw Patrol
  8. shoot myself in the foot
  9. eat an entire jar of the pickled eggs on a gas station counter
  10. cry
  11. think I am running a really hot bath but get in the tub only to find the water is tepid
  12. cry in said tepid tub
  13. kick a porcupine
  14. go to a Tennessee game
  15. get into an argument about politics at a family function
  16. drive a car with no working brakes
  17. eat a cold cheeseburger
  18. jump off a bridge
  19. eat raw, unseasoned kale
  20. sleep in a pit of snakes
  21. drive down McFarland Boulevard at 5 p.m.
  22. literally anything else